if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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