at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
