OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
