Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
