Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
