He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
