My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
