When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
pop tarts are not kleenex
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
