I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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