I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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