Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So gin and wine won't be happening again
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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