Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
