38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
