I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
then he tried to convert me to islam
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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