There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
