Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
