1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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