Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
