all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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