five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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