Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I see more hoeing in ur future
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