Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So much rum. So many feels.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
