I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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