i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
