i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Four minutes until I can fart!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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