I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
