I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
