just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
