Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
