Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
