can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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