In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
