I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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