have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
