naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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