I'm passing your future prison.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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