What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
