Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
