YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
