So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
