ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
