I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
