They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
