I want to have your abortion
I smell stomach acid.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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