I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My vagina is officially offended.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
