If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I have demons in me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
