Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
