I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
