So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
