The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dignity is for republicans.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
