i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
